In the rain he stood holding both of her hands. The red umbrella that he gave her floated away with the rushing wind. It was the last thing he ever gave her. It was one of the first things he missed seeing with her. Their hair was soaked from the downpour and she was dressed like she was ready to leave. He told her he loved her, but that's when he found out love is a dangerous weapon. She looks to him straight in the eye and says "I don't love you, I never did."
Pretty damn grim right? Now that is an ending that most people expect now a days. The Guy doesn't get the girl and girl was probably just in it for herself. Or the opposite way around you pick. When it comes down to it this is how most real life situations end. One sided and kind of depressing.
At one point in my life I always enjoyed these endings. It was real, someone got hurt and that's how it always has been. Movies always tend to over look that fact. But now it's just a painful reminder of things to come or things that have happen. Now the only reason why I bring that up is because the rational person in me enjoyed how it ends but my whole being just hated those endings. I really like the endings where the nice guy gets the pretty girl or the shy outcast chick gets with the popular football guy. Yes I know it's very sappy and I blame it on TV and Movies. Its was when they truly care for each other and it wasn't some bogus bullshit where everyone gets what they wanted and the nice guy is left picking up the scraps. It's falling for something with everything you are. So many worries and yet so little doubt. That's what I enjoy.
Haven't you ever just fallen for something with everything you got? You're so entangled in it that you're afraid of letting it go? But you're so afraid of smothering it that you have no fucking clue what to do? This is how I want to feel. How Marshall and Lily feel from How I Met Your Mother. Finding that one thing you really love and knowing that it's right for you. Its being with someone that makes you feel like every step you take for them you mess up in some way but they're always willing to overlook the fact that you are an idiot and you are bound to make mistakes. I wanna believe I'm a guy who is like Ted Mosby who will love a girl like Marshall Erikson and make her laugh like Barney Stinson.
Like Hemingway said in "Midnight in Paris": I believe that love that is true and real, creates a respite from death. All cowardice comes from not loving or not loving well, which is the same thing. And then the man who is brave and true looks death squarely in the face, like some rhino-hunters I know or Belmonte, who is truly brave... It is because they make love with sufficient passion, to push death out of their minds... until it returns, as it does, to all men... and then you must make really good love again.
Its the hope that maybe I'm a guy who a girl will fall for even when they're life is shitty and my life is shitty but we don't give a fuck. We're just here for each other.
I miss having that hope. The hope that the happy ending is just around the corner. But right now in this moment of my life I'm not even sure the hope still exist. Its the fact that knowing people like her exist in this world who probably honestly don't give a damn except for themselves disgust me. I feel like Ted, you come to the point in your life where you're just tired of waiting. And during all of this wait I would always examine myself.
Am I good person? I have no idea. I ask myself that in the mirror every day. I want to believe that I am. I want to believe that I'm doing the right thing. Making things enjoyable for everyone...but sadly deep down in my gut I don't feel like it.
After this whole event with her it just feels like the world is just that much heavier, colder and so much more darker.
It came to be one thing and ended up being something else entirely different. Either way I have a bruised ego, hurt soul, and my love for all things feels so much more non-existent.
So I've come to the final conclusion and ACUTAL realization that in the end she doesn't really give a damn and she's actually never had the same thought as I did about me as I did her. So with this painfully injured soul and bruised ego...tell me where does this hopeless romantic go from here?
"Whatever I thought was there, she thought differently." - Barney Stinson
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