I Am Jack's Sadness

I feel like I need to watch something really sad.

I fucking hate work.

I am Jack's loss for words

I realize that i don't know the words to tell anyone anything.

I don't have the words to comfort people or to make them happy.

That's probably why i have no words to tell her anything.

Nothing to convince her to accept anything i say.

I hate this. Because I'm at a loss for words when i think about her.

Who would of thought something like this hurts so bad.

No Matter

No matter what happens. 

No matter who tells me what i should feel.

I will

And always will be

Sad 

That there hasn't been a girl I care for to just see me and fall for me. 

I promise my friend this year that things will change and life won't be so shitty anymore. I'm trying and I really am. But I'm so afraid of how things will end up. I can't just look past it and let go because the person in me believes in so many things that it's to hard to let go. Maybe I am the hopeless romantic but I just wish she saw me for more. I guess this romantic life i want has to go on the back burner. 

Everybody finds love

In the End

I swear I won't blink when looking at the end. 

I have no idea what to do.

I think I may have started falling for someone but fell for her idea...instead of her? or maybe her.

I've fallen

And I have no idea what I'm doing

I've fallen

And I have no what to do...

Maybe I'm holding on to tight.

There's never enough time.

I worry a lot about time.

Its the one thing that plagues my mind more then anything else.

I don't have enough time to do this. I don't have enough time to finish this. I need more time.

It always feels like I have less time as each day passes. Almost as if I'm missing out on something. I feel like everything is ending every day. Not like I'm going to kill myself way. I mean in a way like everything is just going to stop.

It pains me to feel like this but its what keeps me going and never looking back. Never slowing down.

I wish I had more time to tell her how I feel. I wish I had the time to tell her how I feel.

But fear is a weakness and time is my enemy.

I wanna feel like I live in the now but all I feel is that I live in the future so far away from everyone else.

There's never enough time.

Skinny Love

This sums up everything for me. I feel like Chuck.

I wanna stay awake. I want to feel like something in my life will matter. But at the moment it just feels like I should just let it go and I can't. For a few weeks now I can't stop thinking about her and every time I do I think about where this is going I just keep falling into the same ending.

I've never met someone whose smart and beautiful as she is. Its hard to believe that she's still talking to me at all since pushing people away is something I like to do. God I want to sleep. I feel...sad. Not depressed not angry but just sad. But the odd thing is I'm okay with it. I don't want this feeling, what I want is to dump it in a pit out in the middle of nowhere. I just want so much from her. Maybe I'm asking to much...

The longer I sit here waiting for some kind of sign, someone will probably swoop her off her feet and give her everything she wants. Everything that I want to give her. I just want to be with her and get to know her. Make her smile when shes sad. Listen to her lame stories when she needs someone to talk to. All I want is to be there for her when she needs me. And it sounds terrible on paper.

And maybe someday this feeling will pass but god I hope it doesn't because I'm starting to fall for her and I have no idea what to do with it.

please god don't let Jordan screw this up for me. He's done it before and he did it on New Years. He's just a terrible person when it comes to being someones friend.