Skinny Love

This sums up everything for me. I feel like Chuck.

I wanna stay awake. I want to feel like something in my life will matter. But at the moment it just feels like I should just let it go and I can't. For a few weeks now I can't stop thinking about her and every time I do I think about where this is going I just keep falling into the same ending.

I've never met someone whose smart and beautiful as she is. Its hard to believe that she's still talking to me at all since pushing people away is something I like to do. God I want to sleep. I feel...sad. Not depressed not angry but just sad. But the odd thing is I'm okay with it. I don't want this feeling, what I want is to dump it in a pit out in the middle of nowhere. I just want so much from her. Maybe I'm asking to much...

The longer I sit here waiting for some kind of sign, someone will probably swoop her off her feet and give her everything she wants. Everything that I want to give her. I just want to be with her and get to know her. Make her smile when shes sad. Listen to her lame stories when she needs someone to talk to. All I want is to be there for her when she needs me. And it sounds terrible on paper.

And maybe someday this feeling will pass but god I hope it doesn't because I'm starting to fall for her and I have no idea what to do with it.

please god don't let Jordan screw this up for me. He's done it before and he did it on New Years. He's just a terrible person when it comes to being someones friend.